Transition period

Being in a state of flux is uncomfortable. I’m not one for incessant anticipation, sitting on the edge of my seat for a seemingly interminable amount of time for the next event to pop out at me to scare the crap out of me. Then I just get angry and frustrated, but I still can’t stop watching. It's like a slow-moving train wreck. So I’m fighting to get out of the angry and frustrated phase, cause that’s no way to live. It’s mad stressful. Something is around the corner, whether it be a job, or feeling like I’ve finally come to the place in God I’m supposed to be right now. But I will keep praying, constantly, because I can’t do this life without knowing that I’m doing the things I’m supposed to be doing, that even if I’m struggling, that God has a purpose for it, that it’s not in vain. Friend with Special Place is always emphasizing the struggle part of it, but I just can’t dwell on that. As long as I know that God is with me, then I can deal with it a lot better. When I’m not sure if it’s me screwing up or God testing me, that’s when I freak out. As I’ve been doing for the past few weeks. It just seems like it’s been one thing after another, with people actin a fool for no reason, missing job opportunities by this much, and juggling school and credit card payments so my bank account doesn’t suddenly converge to zero, especially when there’s been things coming up that have been taking me away from working (but really, I wonder why I’m spending so much, cause I usually don’t do things like this. I feel like I’ve been constantly whipping out my school/debit/credit card. Mint.com here I come.) I really didn’t want to touch my savings this semester at all, and since I decided that, it’s been cut in half. Ohhhhh, life.

Just to give you an analogy for what I feel is going on: In football, when the receiver is running with the ball, there’s usually a line of people coming to tackle him. If he can get around that last dude and “turn that corner” to run up the sideline, then he could possibly go straight for the touchdown.** But even though he’s really close to getting clobbered, there’s a very real chance he could make it. I just know that if I don’t let despair and fear tackle me, I will be ok. Actually, I’ll be fantastic. The people who can “turn that corner” get put on the highlight reel. Not that that’s my goal, but you know what I’m saying; it’s a signal of a good play. I just try to think about the things that can come to me, the things I can accomplish when I defeat the things that are trying to defeat me. So here’s to overcoming.

He don’t want you sad, He wants you seeking
I watch and pray as I’m peeking
Have you now known, have you not heard
Isaiah 40:28 words?

- “Strong” by Adrianne Archie

**Shoutout to Dad for unknowingly teaching me lots of things about football over winter break.