Jesus loves the little children...

I realized the love of God today (well, yesterday, while sitting in church). In Isaiah 55, the pastor was emphasizing the forgiveness of God – the sure mercies of David. He especially pointed out verse 7 that says He will abundantly pardon. David did so many things, on purpose things, but God still called him a man after his own heart. This stuff I already knew though. I was sitting there and thought of the verse in I John 4 that says that we love God because he first loved us. I just didn’t see a reason for my lack of self-esteem. God is chasing after me, wanting me to be closer to him, setting up circumstances so that all I have to do is walk into them and I will have all the love that I want. What got me about this is this is what I feel about Friend with Special Place in my Heart sometimes. I have done everything for him. I’ve pretty much been his girlfriend since we got back to school, but he doesn’t fully see that (he sees it, but he doesn’t see how it hurts sometimes when he puts up walls for no reason. I’ve given him no indication that I would betray him, yet he still believes that. It’s an affront on my character, which hurts that after all this time he doesn’t see who I am and how I feel about him. But that’s another story for another day). And I looked at what it’s like to be on the other side. Maybe this isn’t a good thing, but part of me was like, man, I give this dude a lot of love, and all he has to do is say yes, and I would give him even more. Wow, I really love this dude. But it was nice to realize that for once I was wanted. That if I made the effort, and it wasn’t even a really big effort, I could have all the love in the world that I wanted. God was just sitting there waiting for me, and it floored me to realize that he wants me. He wants the good and the bad of me, and is ok with my faults. He wants to gently change me, not rip me to pieces to break me down. I don’t really have to do anything to deserve His love. He accepts me for me. He loves my natural hair because he made it. My lips because he made them. My small hips and thighs because he made them. The things that he’s said about me will come to pass. If I stay with him, he won’t let me become a failure at life. I will do great things and affect people in a positive way. I can take for granted the things that he says, because His word cannot turn back to him void.