Friend with Special Place (I really need a shorter name for him) texted me the other day and said, “I remember when you were on fire for Christ during that conference last year. I miss that.” This really made me mad. I wanted to tell him off because
1) I wasn’t even that on fire for God during this time last year. There were other times much later in the year when I was really ready for God to take over.
2) “I miss that.” I miss that? When I did say something to him about God, he wouldn’t listen to me, so what is he missing?
3) on that same note, that wasn’t exactly an encouraging text, like, “I see you’re struggling with your relationship with God, but I’m praying for you.” I could see him sitting there thinking and reminiscing about last year, when I sent him a few texts about it. It’s just funny to me because I was so sick of that conference and was ready to leave. I was more in awe of the level of spirituality of people my age and ashamed at my lack of spiritual maturity and zeal for God than actually being on fire for God.
4) I’m tired of him looking down on me from his pedestal. I talk reckless things to my friends to get it out of my system, but he hasn’t separated what I say from what I actually do. Yes, I’ve been in pimp mode, but him giving me that judging look doesn’t help that much; it just makes me mad. Just pray for me and shut up. God takes much better care of me than you do.
5) he barely believes in God. He thinks that God answers everyone’s prayers but his own and God’s only out to stab him in the back. Maybe he wants me to be his one hope that God isn’t out to get us, but please, sweetie, take that plank out of your eye.
6) he’s right. I know I’ve been slipping, and part of me is grateful for those judging looks and words. They give me a reality check, and make me see how far I’ve gone and give me some motivation to get back in line.

Bestie talked me out of telling him off, mostly because of # 6. But if he does it again, I’m going to say something. This isn't cool.