Dear Applicant

Dear Applicant,

Thank you for your interest in this position, but QuietQueen, Inc. is no longer accepting applications for a muse, sidepiece, fling, or any other superficial and superfluous position. We also would normally tell you to check back in a few months when QuietQueen is hurting, feeling vulnerable, or just all around feeling depressed and wanting attention and entertainment, but we don't anticipate that someone of your pedigree will be able to fulfill those needs in a satisfactory manner as QuietQueen is currently growing and maturing.

Wishing you the best in your future endeavors,

HR

PSA: You ain't special

I seem to attract dudes who think that God used a different type of dirt to make them. They think that their thought process is completely different from everyone else, which is one reason (they think) that causes them to not really fit into one particular set of people. They’re a little more republican than democrat, don’t feel like they fit into either the black or white world (I've only dated black guys), have a major in something like economics or political science, and plan to go into something government related. They’re also very talkative and mostly friendly but question many things that people take at face value or are too "lazy" to think about. It's not that these are necessarily bad things, but I wonder sometimes what it is about these dudes that I like so much. I can't take much more of the arrogance. Even when I meet someone completely random, they're pretty close to this mold. Some of them are the poster children for our entitled generation, and I just want to tell them, "Sweetie, I know they told you this in kindergarten, but you ain't special!"

Can you overdose on church?

I was reading an article over on the Freshxpress.com (http://thefreshxpress.com/2009/02/high-christians-edit-in-progress/) and it got me thinking. For those of you too lazy to click the link, the writer Mike Scruggs is talking about the “I need me some church” phenomenon. People go to church to escape the hard things in their life, looking for uplifting songs and sermons that make them feel good for those 2-3 hours (or longer if you go to a Pentecostal church). Unfortunately, there are no real points or lessons that actually make it back to your house to help you change your situation. Church is simply a drug used to get “high.”
So I asked myself, if church is a drug, what does it mean when you overdose? This may be over-extending the analogy, but it’s something to consider. Is there a point when you get too much church? I frequently feel like I’ve gotten too much before. For those of you judging me right now for my heathen-ness, bear with me for a bit. I grew up in one of those strict Christian homes where we weren’t allowed to listen to any secular music, we attended service a lot (my dad was a pastor), AND I went to a Christian school. My entire life was church, church, and more church. I got tired of it just like any kid would, but it was life. There was nothing I could do about it, so I just accepted it and learned to deal with it. When I got out, I realized that all that stuff I’d learned was true – and actually useful. So I involved myself in campus ministries and ingrained myself at a really great church. But during one of the many conferences I attended with the ministry and church, I realized that I was sick of it. I was sick of being holed up in a hotel listening to powerful word after powerful word, and not being able to really do anything with it right there, instead making promises to God with New Years-like resolutions of how things would be different once I got back home. Believe it or not, during those times when I was surrounded by Christians 24/7, I prayed much less than I would if I was home. I was resting on the collective spiritual glow of everyone around me. For three days I lived off of a feeling of being close to God, the electric energy of the worship, and the fervor and earnestness of those around me. However, by the end, those fuzzy feelings had worn out, and I was ready to go. I was so filled up with the word, I literally felt like I wanted to throw up. Here, ladies and gents, is what an overdose looks like. You get so filled up with the word until it all becomes one long string of trite Church-isms.
So how do you detox? Get it out of your system. Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom.” This may just be talking about the physical act of giving, but I think you can generalize it to giving of yourself. So if you’re getting so much word, you should find ways to live it out in your day to day life. Then, instead of living for a high from Sunday service, you get a steady dose of the drug and have genuine joy all during the week. Which I think is much better than having that crash after the high.

I'm over it

*Btw, after that whole rant I had about my best friend, she called me two days later talking about how we need to stop these long breaks in between talking to each other (I'm pretty sure she doesn’t read this blog). After that it was like we hadn’t skipped a beat. I may have overreacted...

I was looking forward to this vacation from work, but now that it's here, I'm bored. Well, today I was bored. I’ve been going through so many emotions lately that it’s hard to trust my feelings. I’ve had so many conflicting feelings about school. It’s my senior year, the exciting and scary year that juniors dread and alumni constantly reminisce about. One part of me is just over it. I’m over the whole staying up all night studying (well, studying period), worrying about the event you’re planning, catering to the freshmen so they’ll keep your group going after you’re gone. I’m sick of it. I liked the work world and feeling like what I was doing was significant in some way, even if that way was that I could feed my ridiculous obsession with having money, even though I don’t like spending it. Since I must go to school, I just want to study to shore up my GPA, get a job, and have a good time. The only negotiable part is how I’m going to have a good time. I get satisfaction from my extra-curricular activities when I’m on top of things, and they turn out to be a success. The problem is the stress that comes with trying to make events successful. But I think my attitude for the next semester – not the year, I can’t think that far ahead – is to just get it done, and plan so that I have the least stress possible. The frustrating thing about this is that I feel like I should’ve had this attitude already in like, sophomore year. And in some ways, I’ve had it, but it hasn’t been entirely consistent. So now I feel like an idiot, even though I’ve mastered the art of looking like I have everything together. I hate that I constantly feel like I’m struggling to keep afloat. Maybe that’s why I liked working so much. I had a fresh slate, and I worked to take that opportunity and make a name for myself in the company. The actions I took had a direct effect on the results, unlike school, where I could work my butt off but still had no guarantee that I would succeed.
But I still feel like I’m missing the point. There’s a big empty space that supposed to be filled, but I feel like there’s a big hump I have to get over to get to the thing that’s supposed to fill me up. Really, I think my fluctuating emotions are a result of my fluctuating relationship with God. (Sidenote: I used to hate reading things where they would randomly start talking about God with no lead in, or have an obvious plot of ‘These were/are my problems, but I turned to/need to turn to God, and He fixed/will fix them.’ So I’m sorry if this seems like that, but really, I’ve been thinking about the reasoning behind these thoughts for quite some time now and I started noticing some patterns, so bear with me.) Whenever I’m talking to God regularly, I’m at peace with life. The craziest stuff will come up, but I freak out and then stay relatively calm because I know from experience, and not just from somebody’s grandma saying it, that God has an uncanny way of working things out. There’s this song by Othello (good rapper, you should check him out) called Elevator Music, and in the first line he says, “I guess that my stress is a direct effect of lack of elevation…” That’s exactly my problem. I hate that I feel like I write this every six months or so, but for some reason I keep doing this. I put myself on a rollercoaster that’s about to make me puke.