For the record..

When I get a prophetic word spoken over me, I like to write down the day, and even the time it was said so that I can look back and read it to remind me when I inevitably forget what God said. For some reason, I didn't do this last week, so here it is before I forget:

Saturday, April 10, 2010, at 8:49 p.m., my dad called me and said God put it in his spirit that He has a job for me, and that I will like it.

You have no idea (or maybe you do) how that made me feel. Earlier that day, my mom called me to say that I'd gotten a letter from the place where I'd had an interview weeks ago. Letters are never good, and I knew that if I'd gotten the job, they would've called me, but I still had some hope that maybe I was wrong. I wasn't. Even though I knew it was coming (they told me they'd have an answer in 3 weeks, it'd been 6), it still hurt and I cried like a baby on the phone while not trying to let my parents know I was crying. I really wanted that job. Like really. There was a small part of me that somehow wasn't too keen on the job, but the rest of me wanted it sooo bad. Hearing that I didn't get it was a dagger. I mean, how many rejections can a person take? My Plans A, B, and C failed. Plan A's, yea, you hope they come through, but it's not exactly certain, so you make a plan B. That's why people have Plan B colleges they apply to, so they know they have somewhere to go. Rarely do you ever hear about Plan B falling through, and who talks about Plan C's? So I was walking around with a heavy heart. Most of the day I was fine, but then at some point everyday I was having little panic attacks and mini-breakdowns because I have no idea what I'm doing after graduation, and when I saw a way up, inevitably I seemed to crash back down. Those times, my future looked...blank. That's a scary thought.

So that word was timely for me. Everything that my dad has told me is coming from the Lord has come, which is one reason why I hadn't had a full breakdown yet. He'd told me over the summer that God was planning on doing great things with me. So if I had this word, why was I so distraught over a simple little job that I probably won't keep for that long? I don't know. I guess I looked at it as something that was far off, that eventually I'd get there, but the steps to it were hazy and dim. To use a cliche, I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I've been keeping scriptures like Jer 29 in my heart: "I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." I'd begun to actually believe this when my dad gave me this word a week ago. The panic attacks had started to come less frequently, but the bad news about the job set me back like 2 weeks. Once, I tried to write about my fear of being a failure, but something in my spirit checked me. Confirmation is a good thing. So now that I know what's happening, I have more peace now. There's some part of me that's still a little anxious, hoping it's going to come before I graduate. But since it's coming, I'll keep the word close to me, and work on completely getting rid of the anxiety.

Can you really call it trusting in God if you're constantly worrying?