Allergies in the winter, colds in the summer

When the weather changes, my allergies start acting up, whether it be winter time or summer. So with the weather going from summer to winter to summer to ridiculously cold winter again, my sinuses LOUDLY complain and enlist sneezes, itchy throats and watery eyes to help. When I can put my head down without crying and sneeze less than 4 times in a row, I will be back with an actual post. Stay warm!

Emo Facebook status

This is why I don’t like putting what’s actually on my mind in my statuses. Because if I have something I think is relevant, it’s sometimes slightly emo and an unintentional cry for help. And I don’t realize it until after I have like 3 comments asking “What’s wrong?!” I thought this status was just a reminder not to take anything for granted; a kind of inspirational message, but I guess not. Note to self: keep my actual thoughts to myself.

What would you do?

My coworker is gay, and he told me some story about his (gay) best friend stealing a guy from him when he was trying to talk to him, all while said friend is in a monogamous relationship (A lot of gay dudes I've met are catty. Like Mean Girls, high school catty). What do I say to that? “Excuse me, I’m a Christian and I don’t agree with homosexuality, so I really don’t want to talk about this with you.” Something like that would lead to a whole discussion about me being homophobic, hostile feelings, and possibly a trip to HR. I didn’t really say much except “wow” or “that’s really mean.” My face didn’t look all that interested (so he says), but I was thinking frantically, “O my God, what do I do??!!” and quickly found a way to change the subject without being rude (I hope). The thing is, I don’t have a problem with hanging out with gay people. I’ll do regular, non-gay, things like go out to eat with them, chill with them in somebody’s room, laugh and talk. But do not ask me to go to the gay clubs or drag queen fashion show with you. I do not want to participate. The thing is, situations like my co-worker’s happen to both homo and hetero-sexual relationships, so does it matter if I talk about it? Am I encouraging behavior that I don’t agree with or cosigning it simply by not saying I disagree with it? Inquiring minds want to know.

PSA: You ain't special

I seem to attract dudes who think that God used a different type of dirt to make them. They think that their thought process is completely different from everyone else, which is one reason (they think) that causes them to not really fit into one particular set of people. They’re a little more republican than democrat, don’t feel like they fit into either the black or white world (I've only dated black guys), have a major in something like economics or political science, and plan to go into something government related. They’re also very talkative and mostly friendly but question many things that people take at face value or are too "lazy" to think about. It's not that these are necessarily bad things, but I wonder sometimes what it is about these dudes that I like so much. I can't take much more of the arrogance. Even when I meet someone completely random, they're pretty close to this mold. Some of them are the poster children for our entitled generation, and I just want to tell them, "Sweetie, I know they told you this in kindergarten, but you ain't special!"

Thank God...

...that I didn't tank my GPA this semester. I was enjoying being a senior a little bit too much, but it's still at a decent level. I've got a lot of work to do this semester (sigh).

...for people pouring into my life and being concerned about my spiritual well-being. My pastor is so supportive!

...that I know He has a plan for me, because this job search is stressful and was starting to drive me crazy over the break.

...for helping me cut off people who were weren't good for me. I prayed and prayed, waiting for God to magically separate us, but He gave me the opportunity to simply say, "It's over." Felt good :)

...for new music. I just bought Adrianne Archie's new album, and I (mostly) like it! Talk to me in a few months, though, after I've really digested it. I love music with staying power. Favorite track at the moment: Strong.

That is all folks :)

Early reflections

Every year on New Years Eve, I write in my journal before I go out anywhere about what I’ve done over the year, how I felt about it, and what I want to do in the next year. The usual stuff. Unfortunately, I left my journal at school, so that probably won’t be happening. So as a quick (and early) summary, this year hasn’t been the greatest, although I’ve been tremendously blessed. I’ve screwed up a lot of things, and made my life a lot more complicated than it had to be. For me, it’s worse knowing it’s my own fault that things didn’t go right than if someone else had a hand in it. But all I can do now is look forward. I’ll be graduating next year, and there are so many things that go along with that that I’m ready to jump into. I need this phase of my life to be done.

Friend with Special Place (I really need a shorter name for him) texted me the other day and said, “I remember when you were on fire for Christ during that conference last year. I miss that.” This really made me mad. I wanted to tell him off because
1) I wasn’t even that on fire for God during this time last year. There were other times much later in the year when I was really ready for God to take over.
2) “I miss that.” I miss that? When I did say something to him about God, he wouldn’t listen to me, so what is he missing?
3) on that same note, that wasn’t exactly an encouraging text, like, “I see you’re struggling with your relationship with God, but I’m praying for you.” I could see him sitting there thinking and reminiscing about last year, when I sent him a few texts about it. It’s just funny to me because I was so sick of that conference and was ready to leave. I was more in awe of the level of spirituality of people my age and ashamed at my lack of spiritual maturity and zeal for God than actually being on fire for God.
4) I’m tired of him looking down on me from his pedestal. I talk reckless things to my friends to get it out of my system, but he hasn’t separated what I say from what I actually do. Yes, I’ve been in pimp mode, but him giving me that judging look doesn’t help that much; it just makes me mad. Just pray for me and shut up. God takes much better care of me than you do.
5) he barely believes in God. He thinks that God answers everyone’s prayers but his own and God’s only out to stab him in the back. Maybe he wants me to be his one hope that God isn’t out to get us, but please, sweetie, take that plank out of your eye.
6) he’s right. I know I’ve been slipping, and part of me is grateful for those judging looks and words. They give me a reality check, and make me see how far I’ve gone and give me some motivation to get back in line.

Bestie talked me out of telling him off, mostly because of # 6. But if he does it again, I’m going to say something. This isn't cool.